Memories
by Hirschie's Chocolate
Summary: Alice's story in the asylum and her journeys as a new, lonely vampire. NOTE: WRITTEN BEFORE RELEASE OF ECLIPSE: INFO IN LATER CHAPTERS INCONGRUOUS WITH INFO FROM ECLIPSE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N:**_ I decided to change some things in this chapter, including the tense, but it does not affect the rest of the story._

**Memories**

Bright, transparent reds and greens dance along the darkened white walls turning into shapes that may or may not be there. That is what I focus on now—making shapes out of the invisible colors that my eyes see in the darkened white. I wonder vaguely what they are, scientifically, but give up on that thought quickly. I don't think about very much anymore. I mostly end up in a semi-conscious state and wake up with a quickly draining memory of what had occupied my attention. It's better if I don't think too seriously. There is nothing pleasant to think of seriously. At least, not since I came here.

"Pleasant" is not a term commonly used in an insane asylum—at least not by patients. I had been sent here after I had a third vision. I learned after the first two that it was not good to see things that do not exist. But I slipped the last time.

We were preparing supper; my mother, sister, and I. I was bringing a bowl to the table when the ground fell away. I could almost hear the _whoosh_ing of the real world passing. Images flashed before my eyes; my father, proudly displaying a new automobile; my sister, Cynthia, all grown up and hanging on the arm of a male escort; a beautiful blond man with strange eyes….

The ground rushed back to meet my feet as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the smashed mess that used to be the bowl I should have been holding. My mother's face—horrified, disgusted, appalled; Cynthia's no different.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Clean this up," my mother said in a strained voice. I nodded weakly and bent to pick up the larger shards of glass.

That had not been the first offense. I had had public visions before; once in front of close family, once in front of people of society. This was to be the last time.

Father came home that evening at sunset, and the white carriage came for me the next evening. They brought me, sobbing, here to this asylum. They took my clothes, replacing them with a white smock. And then they cut off my long, waist-length black hair and shaved off what remained.

I cried that night, knowing what had happened. While the doctors assured me I was there to be cured, I knew that was not the case. People did not recover when their families sent them away. I was not fit for society, and I could not wreck my parents' chances of rising in it. I was dead in the real world.

Some time later two men came in through the thick door, wrapping my arms around myself in a white jacket, and brought me down a long, white corridor to a large room. The gas lamps that lined the hall cast light that danced sinisterly along the walls. The men sat me down on a gurney in the room and stepped back towards the door. I stared at the doctor, my red, puffy eyes pleading.

"So, Alice," he said, looking at the chart in his hands. I was too distressed to notice his use of my middle name. "My name is Dr. Chambers," he glanced up at me, a small polite smile painted on his face. "I hear that you have been having visions," he continued disapprovingly as his smile turned to a falsely concerned frown. "And we all know that that is not a good thing. Now," he put the chart aside. "Your treatment will be shock therapy." I didn't know what that was, but it did not sound very pleasant. I looked at him in confusion and fear. "Now Alice," he said condescendingly, sensing my reluctance. "You want to get better, don't you?" I noticed how he did not say that it would be pain free. No "It's alright, everything will be okay," just "you want to get better," said almost icily.

"Strap her in," he ordered the two men by the door. It was then that I noticed the cuffs on the sides of the gurney I sat on. The two men came forward, unlocking them. One strapped my ankles in as the other unwrapped the jacket and strapped in my wrists, ignoring my struggles. I noticed that he wore darkened spectacles, and I could not see his eyes. He was also quite handsome, I thought. That used to be something I cared about. The men were both wearing gloves, as if I were contagious. The one with the glasses held my head in place as Dr. Chambers attached something sticky to my temples. I've never seen what it is, but I assume it is something like wires. My breathing became quick. One of the men placed a rubber block in my mouth, and then Dr. Chambers moved to a machine behind me and pulled a lever.

I had no more control over my body. Electricity ran through me, sending me into convulsions. I screamed through the block, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks, struggling fruitlessly against the bindings. It is a good thing I was weak; my bones might have broken if I was stronger.

Finally it stopped, and I was still, my breathing labored. I started sobbing when they unlocked my wrists and ankles.

"With a few more of those," Dr. Chambers started, "you'll be fit for society in no time." I shuddered at "a few more of those," and knew it wasn't true anyway.

---

The second time was worse, because I knew what was going to happen. I tried harder to resist the men, but they were both so strong, especially the one with spectacles. I still haven't seen his eyes. I used to wonder why he wore them. He couldn't be blind—he was clearly able to see. Although he was incredibly strong—inhumanly strong it sometimes seemed—he was also very gentle. But his face never portrayed any emotion; it was like stone. The other man mostly looked disgusted.

After a while I stopped caring about the men, and soon stopped thinking about them altogether. At least, I can't remember thinking about them. But every day they come into my room, take me to the shock room, and I wake up back in my little white room with no memory of the shocks.

That is how I sit now, just waking from a confused stupor. I wonder distantly if I ever eat. I assume I must, since I'm not hungry. Maybe I'm just numb. Maybe I should pinch myself to be sure…but my arm doesn't feel like moving.

My hair has grown a little, but I am past feeling happy. There is no point in looking good if the only people to ever see me again will be the two men and Dr. Chambers.

Suddenly I'm not in the little white room anymore. Immediately woken from my thoughts, I can see the picture of a forest and a man. The man is frozen in the motion of walking through the forest, searching for something. He is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen—real or not. He has golden hair on a beautifully articulated, pale face. But that is not why I find him beautiful. I have an overwhelming urge to run forward and guide that man to where or what he is looking for. The image changes and his eyes are at mine, and the shocking blood-red irises seem almost helpless—pleading. I feel no fear at the color of his eyes, only a longing to ease the helplessness. I run towards him, and the vision disappears. I run against the softened wall, pushing against it, banging on it—trying to get past it to find the man.

The door opens, and the same two men come in. "Alice," the spectacled man says in a soothing voice. He comes toward me, arms raised in anticipation of restraint. "Alice, there is no one to find now," Am I speaking? This will not escape the doctor's ears. "It's time to see the doctor." They take me to the shock room, as usual, but I protest lightly for the first time in a while. Dr. Chambers notices.

"Is something wrong, Alice?" He asks.

"I have to find him…" I murmur.

"Now Alice," He chides. "You didn't have another vision, did you?" He asks this as if I am a misbehaving child. I just shake my head as they strap me to the gurney once again.

---

_Maybe asylums aren't really for the patients, but their families. _

_Maybe it is a place to put shameful people._

_Maybe it's a place for something people don't want to deal with. _

_Maybe it really is for crazy people. _

_Maybe it does help them._

_Maybe it just helps them not embarrass their family._

_Maybe I'm just paranoid._

_Maybe I am crazy…._

_Maybe there are too many maybes_, I think dryly. I am sitting in the white cot, staring at the white walls that I have grown so accustomed to. They are the only things I can completely remember. That may have to do with the fact that I am staring at them at the moment, though. I can no longer remember my parents' faces, or names. I think I had a sibling, maybe plural, but I can't completely remember.

All of a sudden the familiar sound of the thick door opening wakes me from my attempted remembering. I didn't think I was capable of surprise or curiosity, but I feel small sparks of those old emotions as the door opens partly and closes quickly behind the spectacled man. I am surprised because I think that has never happened before; curious because what could he possibly be in here for? I thought it took two people to strap me in… and doesn't the door need to be open? Maybe I'm forgetting more than I thought.

"Alice," the spectacled man says as he crosses the small room to kneel in front of me. None of my half-hearted emotions show on my face. I just stare at him, and he stares into my eyes. I wonder distantly what he finds so interesting.

"I am terribly sorry, Alice," he says. "This is no place for a girl like you. I have seen what it has done to you—the dead look on your face when I bring you back, and that same look quickly becoming permanent." I can't understand why he is saying all of this. I don't even remember seeing him all the time…but that is understandable, I think.

"I can't…" he starts, a torn look on his face. He leans forward, extending an arm to ever-so-gently stroke my cheek with a freezing hand. But before I have time to wonder about the feel of his skin, my vision blacks out and a forest takes its place. In the middle of the picture, a man stares at me; a beautiful man with blond hair and pale skin. I stare into his eyes, the shock of red irises, darkening until black at the pupil, is deadened by the overwhelming anguish that overcomes me as I see the distress in his eyes. I need to help him. The irrational feeling that I am the only one who can help this stranger is devastating, and entirely ridiculous. The spectacled man comes back into view, anxiously saying my name and shaking me slightly. All of a sudden I am completely aware of a gaping hole in my chest. Something inside me knows that it has always been there, except for when I saw _him_. I am almost panting. I need to find him. I try to stand, struggling futilely against the spectacled man's hold on me.

"Alice, Alice what happened?" he asks in a professionally soothing voice. I stare frantically at his dark spectacles. I can't stay here—he needs me. Whoever he is, I am the only one who can help him. I need to get out.

"I need to get out," I rasp. I must not have spoken in a while—it almost hurts to get the words out. But not as much as the sorrow of his eyes.

"What did you see?" he asks, scrunching his brow. I shake my head, and realization hits. Hopeless depression dawns as I realize that I can never do anything. The man will go on, forever searching for the one thing he will never find and I can never give to him.

I start to cry, and the spectacled man brings my head to his chest, stroking the back of my hair, making _shush_ing noises and rocking me slightly back and forth.

We continue like this for a while until I finally start to settle down. He pushes me back gently so he can look at me.

"There now Alice," he starts. "There is nothing to worry about. I will not let anything harm you," he promises, and something passes on his face that I can't make sense of. I just stare at him, my wet, puffy eyes hopeless.

"Now," he continues in a lighter tone. "What can we do to take your mind off things, hmm?" I keep staring. "My name is Thomas," he says, thinking he has answered some vital question of my life. Or maybe he is just being polite.

"A new man is coming," he continues. "He will be taking Brian's place for a while," a strange look crosses his face, almost worried. "Brian was the other man who helped me…bring you to the doctor." He looks sorry about it. "The new man's name is James, I believe," he continues, trying to make lighter conversation. For some reason he seems to think that names are a light subject. He still has a slightly worried expression on his face, but I don't care enough to think about it.

As I gaze at his blackened spectacles, something occurs to me.

"Let me see your eyes," I half-whisper. My voice is still weak and sore now after my sobs.

A serious look crosses Thomas's face. "You do not want to see my eyes, Alice," he says, his tone solemn.

"But you're not blind," I protest, shaking my head slightly.

"No, I am not," he agrees, sighing. He looks into my eyes, contemplating. He sighs and says in an off-hand voice, "Well, you will forget soon enough." I don't have time to wonder at that statement, because he removes his hands from where they rest on the sides of my arms and slowly reaches up to remove his spectacles. I gasp as I see his eyes—bright red around the edges, darkening to black at the pupil.

They are the same color as the man's from my vision.

"What are you?" I breathe. Whatever Thomas is, it is what the man is. He can help me find him! Hope flares inside me.

A grim look comes over Thomas. "That I cannot tell you, Alice, for some things are hard to forget. This may have been wrong…" he says in an off-hand voice.

No, he can't do this. He is my only hope, and he isn't going to help.

"No," I plead in a strangled whisper. "Please, I need your help!" The little voice I am using brakes on the last word. I struggle to grab hold of his shirt as Thomas replaces his spectacles and removes my hands from his chest. I start to sob again as he wordlessly opens the door and quietly sneaks out into the bright corridor.

He could have helped me, but wouldn't. Now I will go on, stuck in this place, completely forgotten.

Forgotten.

I am wracked with sobs as I realize that, with the next trip to the gurney, I will probably forget that man from my vision. But can I really forget that feeling? The hole that not seeing him, not being with him has caused? That face, those eyes?

Have I already?

I sob and wail harder than I can remember ever doing before. I will forget him, as I am quickly forgetting my family. Soon I will remember nothing at all, not my name, where I am, what I am….

Now the only thing I can remember is the blank walls that surround me on all sides, closing in on me. I verge on hyperventilation as I scramble to remember something, anything…but all I can come up with is the feeling that there is something I must remember. Something I had just been thinking about. I had not been in a half-asleep dream state, I somehow know that. So I should be able to remember, I hadn't been—no, the spectacled man did not just come in with the other man to take me to the doctor…or did he? Did I just come back from the shocks? Is this what I am usually like afterwards? I can't remember.

I cannot remember, but there is something in my mind screaming to be remembered.

---

I am curled up in a ball on the floor, staring hopelessly at the ground. I don't bother to lie on the cot. I hear the door open, and a long rectangle of light blinds me before a shadow blocks it out and the door closes behind it. As I look up wearily to the spectacled man, a strong sense of déjà vu washes over me. I sit up quickly, trying to chase it down, but as I follow it the sense disappears, and I wonder if I had actually felt it at all.

"Alice," the spectacled man says in a quiet rush. "Alice, it is time to go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

"_Alice," the spectacled man says in a quiet rush. "Alice, it is time to go."_

Again? I thought I had just woken up from the last one… or had I? And aren't there usually two people to take me? Or am I imagining that? Maybe I am getting really light and only one man is needed. Am I eating? Either way, shouldn't the door be open if he is going to carry me by himself to the shocks? I can't be _that_ light….

The spectacled man comes towards me and lifts me easily in his arms. It seems effortless to him, like lifting a feather. I guess I am that light. Maybe I'm not eating. I feel cold in his arms, dressed in the thin hospital smock.

The spectacled man somehow manages to open the thick door to my room without dropping me, and we are out in the bright, white corridor. The brightness blinds me momentarily after so long in a dark cell. Then again, it probably hasn't been so long since the last time I had been out here.

The spectacled man walks swiftly to the end of the corridor where he opens another door to another hallway, turns right, and quickly stops. I turn to look at what had stopped him. A man with graying hair and a long, white coat is just leaving a room to the side and closes the door behind him. I think I hear the spectacled man say something under his breath in an almost helpless tone. But I can't be sure.

"Dr. Chambers," the spectacled man says, bowing his head in greeting. His voice is calm, no trace of the tension I thought I had heard. His voice is also very pretty, much like his face.

"Mr. Thomas," Dr. Chambers says in an almost surprised tone. "You got my message, I see," he says, composing himself. Dr. Chambers gestures to me in Mr. Thomas' arms as he continues, "Where is Mr. James? Wasn't he hired for this?"

"He was unavailable and I figured her to be light enough for me to handle," Mr. Thomas replies. So I am going to treatment. I feel let down for some reason. I don't know why, but I seemed to have hoped for something else. Silly me.

Dr. Chambers sighs disapprovingly. "So much for extra help…" he mutters. "Well, bring her along." He starts walking down the hallway and into a door at the end. Mr. Thomas brings me into the room that seems so dreadfully familiar, yet I have no memories of it.

I resist slightly, grabbing on to Mr. Thomas' shirt as he lays me on the gurney. He easily removes my hands and straps them into bindings on the upper corners. Dr. Chambers attaches something to my temples and moves out of my range of vision. Mr. Thomas puts a block in my mouth and I hear the sound of a lever being pulled. My body is sent into convulsions, thrashing around weakly against my bindings. I can't think. All I know is that I no longer have control over myself.

---

Everything is dark. I think I have my eyes closed. My breathing is labored and there is something in my mouth that makes it even harder. I want to reach up and take it out, but I can't move my arms. I felt like pain has just passed and is waiting to ambush me again.

"Alright, take her back now," a man's voice says with cool authority.

The block is removed from my mouth and I feel weights lift from my ankles and wrists. Hard, cold arms slip under me and the ground falls away. My head rolls back and my eyes open to a bland room with a metal table or cot in the middle with leather straps near the corners. The room bounces upside down and I seem to be moving swiftly forward. A doorway passes and I am turned so that I can see a bobbing corridor as it steadily gets longer. I wonder who is carrying me. My neck is unable to lift my head to check, though. So I just lay limp in the person's arms without thinking too deeply.

The corridor gets longer more quickly as the person carrying me starts to speed up. Soon everything becomes blurred with the speed. Or maybe my eyes are just really unadjusted. The colors whizzing by change from white and gray to dark greens and browns and black. A warm breeze ruffles my short hair. Am I outside? It is such an unfamiliar feeling, such unfamiliar smells. I can't quite figure out why that is, though I know I must.

Suddenly the colors become still, taking the shape of a forest at night, lit dimly by the moon. I am placed gently on the ground on top of grass and leaves and tree roots. Right above me, staring at me (it looks like he is; his spectacled face is pointed towards mine but I can't see his eyes), is the awfully handsome face of a man with dark spectacles. I wonder how he can see through them at night. He stays like that for a while, and I stare up at him blankly, wondering what is going on.

"Alice," the man says. Is that my name? It must be. How could I forget my own name? Isn't that something people should remember? Maybe I'm sick. Maybe I'm old. I don't remember getting old. I don't remember anything…. Wait—where am I? I look around at the forest setting. Why am I in a forest? Who is the man looking down at me?

"Alice, he is coming—James is going to try to…to hurt you," the strange man says. Nothing makes sense. Who is James? Why is this man wearing black spectacles when it is clearly night? And why does he sound worried?

"But I will not let him," he pauses, still staring at me. "I promise." A determined look comes over his face, and he leans over to press his lips against my neck. That is very strange. Somewhere I had learned that people are not supposed to do that, but I can't remember why. I feel something strange where his skin meets mine. The man quickly pulls away, a pained expression on his face. There is something dark on his lips, but I can't begin to guess at what it is. My neck starts to feel very hot where he had touched me. It is slightly uncomfortable, and it starts to spread. It isn't painful, but something makes me think that it should be, or it will start very soon.

But it doesn't.

The heat spreads, traveling to my entire body and making me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, but bearable. It is sort of like my blood is boiling—the heat is in my veins. Maybe it isn't quite boiling—I assume that must really hurt. But it is certainly heating up. How long has this been going on? I can't quite remember if this is how I usually feel. It can't be—this is an awfully uncomfortable way to live.

Suddenly I hear a shuffling in the bushes and a man's smooth voice call out from above me, "It is too late, James." James…where had I heard that name before? I feel muddled, like my mind is in a haze, and I can't think straight. "She is almost done and then you will never be able to harm her," the voice continues.

"I will never understand that," comes a second, just as lovely voice. The shuffling stops. I turn my head and see two men standing across from each other. The one with dark spectacles looks tense and the other's eyes shine with anticipation. I could have sworn his eyes were slightly red. But I thought that was impossible.

"What you could possibly see in a human," the second voice, which I see is coming from the red-eyed man, continues. What does he mean by human? "Are you sure she is almost done? It seems as if you have yet to start," he continues skeptically. Start what?

"You know what that treatment does to people. She cannot feel pain anymore, she does not remember what it is," the spectacled man replies. Is he talking about me? I know what pain is… don't I? I know the principle of it…but I can't remember the feel.

"Well then," the red-eyed man says, looking at me, analyzing me. "That," he continues, nodding towards me. "Would seem to complicate things a bit," he calmly turns back to face the spectacled man. How can I be a complication? I don't know them… do I? Maybe he isn't nodding towards me. Maybe I am really invisible and they are talking about something completely different. Maybe I'm a ghost. That might explain the memory loss. Or maybe I'm dreaming. That seems more likely. I didn't know dreams could be this uncomfortable, though.

"Indeed," the spectacled man agrees, waking me from my reverie.

"You do realize that I do not bode well with losing. I never accept defeat," the last part is spoken slowly and menacingly. The red-eyed man takes a threatening step towards the spectacled man. Something tells me this is not good, but there is a fog in my brain and a heat throughout my body that stops me from any serious thought or action.

"There is a first time for every thing," the spectacled man says.

"Alas, no," the red-eyed man says as he shifts into a crouch. The spectacled man crouches in response, and I hear a lethal growl come from one of them. That shocks me slightly; I didn't know people could growl like that. I didn't know people could growl at all.

The spectacled man springs towards the red-eyed man and an ear-splitting thunder clap sounds, making me flinch slightly. They wrestle into the forest, snapping, snarling, and growling at each other; until I can no longer see or hear them.

And then I am alone.

Alone in a strange, dimming forest (or is the sun rising?) with fog in my mind and heat in my veins. I can't move. I don't want to move, really. I have the sad feeling that there is no reason to move. But as soon as I think that, another voice tells me how wrong that is. Something tells me that there is every reason to get up and go as soon as I can, but I have no idea why. I can't move anyway, so it is a moot point.

The fog in my brain spreads and I can't remember anything. I look around, confused. Where am I? Why is there an uncomfortable, prickly heat coursing through me? And what had I just been thinking? And is that the sun overhead, almost blinding me? I should stop looking at it.

There is heat in my veins, but it is only slightly uncomfortable. I can't think clearly, but it doesn't matter because I can't think of anything to think about. Maybe the two problems are connected. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Or thinking about, really. The tops of trees shine golden-orange under a setting sun. Maybe it's rising. Maybe that's what I should think about; the colors are so pretty.

A bird screeches.

What was I just thinking about? Why do I feel weird; a slight warmth in my veins?

And suddenly I feel fine. Better than fine—almost perfect, in fact. Almost. Something inside me is frantically searching for something—or at least, waiting anxiously to start searching.

_**A/N**: Sorry this one's shorter than the last one, but there's only so much going on in an early-twentieth-century insane asylum, and even less going through the head of someone who forgets everything because of her treatment. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

_And suddenly I felt fine. Better than fine—almost perfect, in fact. Almost. Something inside me was looking for something—something I would never be able to settle without._

A small fire flared in the back of my throat and my stomach clenched. My muscles tensed in anticipation for a craving stronger than anything I had ever felt. Without thinking, I ran. Colors flew by; browns, greens, grays, colors I couldn't name. And suddenly I was flying. I looked back and noticed a rock that I must have jumped off of. Then gravity took over and I landed face-first into murky water, slowly sinking to the bottom.

As I stared at the bubbles rising in front of my face and felt the cool water flow into my mouth, failing entirely to extinguish the fire in my throat, my vision shifted.

There was a picture of seven people. They all seemed happy, content. They were all smiling, sitting together around a small table. They all had the same pallid skin, bruise-like shadows under their strange, golden eyes. They were also all very beautiful. The one farthest to the right seemed to be the youngest. His hair was a strange shade of bronze, and he sat a little bit away from everyone else. He was still with them, but separated by something. There was also a darkness about him that few of the others shared. Next to him was an unbelievably gorgeous young woman with long blond hair that flowed in perfect waves down to her lower back. Her full lips were turned up in a smile as she looked at the speaker, her eyes filled with love. There was also a sense of smugness about her. The speaker, a big, muscled man with dark, curly hair, had his arm around the blond woman. He was grinning as he told his story.

On the next couch was another beautiful woman with caramel-colored hair and a heart-shaped face. She smiled lovingly at the man telling the story. She didn't have the same love as the blond woman; hers was more motherly, even though she was clearly too young to be his mother. Sitting leisurely next to her with his arm around the back of the couch behind her, sat another beautiful man. He had blond hair and the same skin and eye color as the others, but there was knowledge behind those golden eyes that the others did not have. He looked to be just as young as the others, yet at the same time he seemed so much older.

On the final couch sat the most beautiful of them all. He was gorgeous, blond, and with a look of utter peace on his face. I felt a surge of happiness as I registered that look—but I had no idea why. Then I noticed who was snuggled contentedly next to him. She was small, with short black hair. She looked very familiar, yet I had no memories of her. There was a name I knew to identify her, but I couldn't think of it. I became immensely frustrated with myself, and the vision was replaced by the murky depths of the lake. I had sunk to the bottom and was lying face down in the soft sand. I turned my face to the side, staring into the dark. I could hear the faint sound of fish's fins flapping, could see some of them as they seemed to try to avoid me. I couldn't understand why… maybe I was just being paranoid.

After a while, the uncomfortable weight in my stomach and the dull throbbing in the back of my throat convinced me that I should move. I got up fluidly, raising small bubbles where I moved. I crouched, and sprung upwards, my head breaking the surface much quicker than I had thought it would. With my feet still on the bottom, the water reached my chin. Instinct told me to breathe, but I couldn't—there was too much water in my lungs. Instinct then told me to cough, so I did. Water came out, but flowed back in. I needed to get into shallower water, so I walked toward the shore and sat down. I tried coughing again, pushing up on my stomach to help get the water out. Once I could breathe again, I noticed the rock jutting out over the lake that I must have run off of. I went over to it, leaning over the edge to look in the dark water. I gasped as I saw the reflection—a pale face framed in short black hair—it was the familiar girl from my vision. I remembered the word I was looking for—me. That girl was me. But there was one outstanding difference between the two. I could see the vision clearly in my memory, and her eyes had been gold. Even in the translucent reflection in the water, I could see that my eyes were red—blood red.

The burning in my throat flared, reminding me of its presence.

I had no idea what to do about it though, so I just leaned back and thought of the people from the vision. I obviously wasn't with them now, so I either used to be…or will be. For some reason I was afraid to think about the difference in eye color, so instead I thought of the man I had been sitting next to. I felt such a strong emotion towards him that I had never felt before, and it grew the more I thought of him.

The sky and lake disappeared, replaced by a barren forest. The picture was not crystal clear, but it was not like a photograph either. The trees were swaying ever-so-slightly in the wind. All of a sudden a man stepped into the picture. It was _that_ man, it was _the_ man. Except this time, there was no look of peace on his face. He looked almost distressed—he seemed to be frantically searching for something. He also seemed confused, like he didn't know what he wanted to find. I wanted to rush forward and help him somehow, anyhow. It was irrational, especially since I knew that I was not a part of this scene; only a bystander watching it play out. His face turned back and forth, first away and then facing me. Then I saw his eyes. They were not the golden color of my first vision, but a deep burgundy, similar to the color I saw in my reflection. Those eyes scared me.

And then it was gone. I looked around at the green forest that surrounded the lake. The forest that looked nothing like the one surrounding the man.

I needed to find him. I would find him.

But first I needed to quell the flame in the back of my throat.

I had no idea what to do. I sat down, racking my brain for anything that would help. I knew water was not the answer or else my time at the bottom of the lake would have been enough.

_Think, think… There must be something, I must know _something_…_

And then I saw the answer. The family from my first vision was now in a snowy forest, the trees thin and far apart from each other. They all had a bear underneath them, their lips at the necks or stomachs of the beasts. And then it was gone, and I knew what to do.

I ran into the forest, surprisingly quiet, until I saw a lone deer. The fire flared as I ran into it, knocking it to the ground. I was no longer capable of rational thought and had no need to wonder at what to do next. My instincts took over, and I sank my teeth into the deer's neck. Hot, delicious blood filled my mouth, cooling the fire. It was messy, and I tried to lick away any drop that escaped.

All too soon there was nothing left. I sat up, looking at what I had done. I had killed an innocent animal. I had drunk from an innocent animal. The fire had deadened, but it was not completely satisfied.

I was ashamed of what I had done, though I didn't completely understand why. I looked around and spotted a fallen tree with space beneath it. I lifted the deer, prepared to have to drag it, and was surprised when it lifted effortlessly in my small arms. I placed it under the tree and tried covering it in surrounding leaves. When I was done, I stepped back and wiped the remaining blood from my mouth with my hand. I couldn't stop from licking it up, wishing for more. I wanted more. But before I had time to search for more, the sound of a laugh startled me and I ran quickly up a tree. It was foolish of me to hide, but I did not wish to be seen as I was.

The breeze rustled the leaves around me, bringing with it the sweetest smell I had ever come across. All coherent thought left to make room for the craving that accompanied that scent. The fire in my throat returned at full blast, my stomach churned in hunger and my muscles tightened in anticipation. I dropped into the leaves below the tree, awaiting the creature that was the only satisfaction I desired.

The laughing got louder and I noticed something else—there were two of them. The anticipation grew into excitement and I could barely keep myself were I was—I wanted to run forward to greet them. It would be so much better than the deer—everything inside me knew that.

I could see the rustling in the trees where they now stood. My lip curled back in anticipation, and then I saw one of them. He was looking back at his companion, his lower half still concealed by shrubs. He had yet to see me. I went into a crouch, a split-second away from springing, when I had another vision.

It was the first vision, except the blond haired man and I were not in it. Then it disappeared to be replaced with another moving vision, but not of good quality. It was of the blond man with wise eyes. He was sitting with the caramel-haired woman with a look of hopeful concern on his face. "It is a choice we are all free to make, or decline," he started. His voice faded in and out as he continued, "I have made the choice not to live off of humans, and feel much the better for it. But it is entirely your decision whether you follow." The forest came back. The man had turned to help his friend out of the perils of a stray branch, and he was turned away from me. A strong wind came from behind me, blowing the men's scent away.

I wanted to be in that first vision. I wanted to follow that man who I would someday know.

I turned into the wind and ran as fast as I could, away from the substance I so craved.

_**A/N**: Sorry it's so short and late… A big thank you to everyone who reads this, and I hope you like it._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

_I turned into the wind and ran as fast as I could, away from the substance I so craved._

I winded up back at the lake, and threw myself down on to the rock.

_I want to be with them_, I thought. _Please, let me be with them…_ And then the image came back. The first one—with the man and me in it.

_But I want that…_ I tried to think of a good word. _Blood. I can go back_, my throat flared at the thought. I could go back and douse the fire in the back of my throat completely…They would still be near where they had been, finding them was not an issue.

And then the image came back, with out the man and me in it.

I banged my fists against the rock in frustration, reeling back in shock when I saw the dents I had caused. I was suddenly frightened of myself, of what I could do.

I flung myself back into the water, swimming out to the deepest part and allowing myself to sink back to the bottom. I buried my face in the sand, refusing to think of what I really wanted to do.

I was not going to go back. I was not going to think of going back…of getting one of the men, sinking my teeth into their neck, the feel of the liquid as it pulsed into my mouth, quenching the fire as it flowed into my stomach and all through me, fulfilling that one desire….

But the liquid that rushed into my mouth as I thought of that was not blood. I had absent-mindedly started to stand with my lips parted.

I threw myself back onto the floor of the lake.

I forced myself to think instead of the family from my visions. I wondered where and when I would meet them. I wondered where and when I would meet the blond man. I had already decided to find him, now I had to work on it. But where was he? I had come to realize that if I focused on something, I would get a vision, so I tried focusing on the man, asking myself, _where is he?_

I spent a long time on the bottom of the lake, watching the man search through a heavily-wooded forest. Sometimes he went near a road. Eventually he went to the outskirts of a town, and I watched him hunt. That's when the fire returned. The vision disappeared, and I needed to hunt.

I forced myself out of the lake and emerged on the side opposite the large rock. I ran into the forest and quickly came upon a herd of deer. I tackled one as the rest ran off to the right. When I was done, I went after them and quickly caught up.

Hunting deer was quickly becoming an annoying chore. It was awfully easy, and getting to be awfully boring.

I ran back to the lake, running around the perimeter to the rock.

I had grown attached to the rock—if I wasn't at the bottom of the lake or hunting, I liked to lie, glittering, in the sun.

I didn't notice it that first day, but the first time I decided to lie back and relax under the sun, I did. I raised my hand in front of the sun, and saw it sparkle all over. I wasn't expecting it, but it wasn't too shocking. I learned something new every minute.

Now I lay like that again, watching the myriad of colors dance across my hand. And then I saw something else. There was a white band around my wrist that I hadn't noticed before. I brought my hand down and sat up.

The band was thin and water stained. I twisted it around, careful not to break it, until I saw what was written. In big, unevenly-spaced letters was printed the word _ALICE_.

_I wonder what an _ALICE_ is_.

---

I looked down at yet another deer corpse and licked its remaining blood from my lips. I was sick of deer. I wanted something new, something better. I was also growing tired of my little lake. I would always hold that place close—it was like my home. It was quiet, peaceful, and I could lie by myself in the sun, watching my skin sparkle.

But it was time for something new, and I decided to put my half-formed plan into action.

When I spoke that decision in my mind, another vision came.

I saw myself standing in a clearing, looking around expectantly. There was also the hint of doubt and worry on my face.

And then the blond man stepped into the clearing and froze when he saw me.

We both stood on opposite sides of the clearing, staring at each other with looks of relief, awe, and confusion painted on our faces.

And then the vision was gone, and I was left with a great feeling of desire. I needed that vision to come true.

I did not know how long it would be until that vision came true—I could step into the clearing now, or it could take years. All I knew was that it would happen, and I would follow my plan.

My plan was fairly simple—I would wander, searching for that man. Or at the very least, I would search for the clearing.

I chose a direction, and ran. I continued to search for the man in my mind, asking myself, _where is he?_

---

I ran for a long time, hunting whenever the opportunity arose.

Eventually I made it to a wide river. I could hear the water rushing, the steam puffing from boats, and I could smell people. The sweet scent filled my senses, and I paused in my journey.

I walked forward, my mouth watering at the scent. That was all I wanted. No more deer. I could finally put an end to the fire in my throat that never really left.

And there were so many people.

But I found that I could resist the fire's pull, so I turned away from the river and continued running.

I started to think about the temptation I had faced. That was the second time I had felt it. I knew that I could not let myself give in to the temptation, but I also knew that I could not avoid it. I would face it again, and I should be prepared.

I slowed my pace.

If I got used to the temptation, then it wouldn't be irresistible.

I went back to the riverbank.

The scent was fainter here, but I breathed it in anyway. I let the aroma fill my senses, felt the lure of temptation pull me closer.

A small voice in the back of my mind told me this could go very wrong.

I ran along the side of the river, enjoying the smell while it lasted.

---

I continued like that for a while, wandering close to populated areas.

I almost got too close once.

I was coming to the end of one branch of the river, and began to pass a few buildings spaced far apart from each other.

Eventually I came to a road. I had seen a few along the way, but never followed them. But the river was fading, so I decided to follow the road.

The last road I had seen had been dirt. This one was hard, like rock, and black. As I ran along it, the buildings became more frequent and closer together.

I began to hear the sounds of music coming from inside a building. The smell of people began to be masked by something else—something bitter.

All of a sudden I heard a quick, loud, high-pitched noise sound twice behind me. I turned to see two bright lights coming out of the night, heading towards me. I stepped to the side, and the thing rushed past. From the back, it looked like a square hovering a foot above the ground with thin circles on either side and a small window in the middle.

That was one thing I hadn't seen in my long journey so far. I stumbled backward, wondering what it was, when I heard a latch open. Music filtered out, no longer muted by the walls of the building. Two people stepped out, laughing.

I froze as their scent wafted over me. But there was something wrong with that scent. It seemed tainted; it had the same bitterness that I had smelled earlier.

It was not particularly appetizing—but then again, neither was deer.

The man stood close to the doorway, smiling eagerly at the woman who was holding his hand and giggling. Both of their eyes seemed glossed over.

The man was wearing dark, straight trousers, a matching jacket, and a tie. The woman was wearing a dark dress with a low neck-line, sleeves that ended at her shoulders, and strings on the skirt that rustled when she moved. The skirt barely covered her knees. She wore a headband with feathers over short hair.

I was frozen in front of them.

The man noticed me, and then the woman turned her head and inspected me as best as she could with clouded eyes.

"Well, what d'we have here?" she asked, her voice high and her words slurred.

"C'mon, Nancy," the man said quietly but eagerly. Nancy released his hand and took a step forward, looking down at my body. I took a tense step backwards.

_No_, I thought. I would not do anything. I did not want their poisoned blood.

A small breeze ruffled Nancy's skirt, sending me her smell.

_Oh, but I do._

"What are you wearing?" she asked with a little laugh that sent the bitter smell in my direction. The odor loosened my muscles slightly.

When I registered what Nancy had said, I looked down at the white, shapeless outfit I wore.

"Is that some new style from _Paris_?" She said _Paris_ with an exaggerated accent, making it sound like "Pahrr-ee." She stumbled as she laughed at herself.

"C'mon, Nancy," the man said, grabbing her hand and beginning to drag Nancy away—but not before she traced a finger across my cheek, leaving a hot trail on my skin. I clenched my teeth tight as she ran her finger under my lip, flicking it up past my nose where the scent flew to, relighting the fire in my throat.

I stood stock-still, my jaw clenched tight, as I waited for the excitement to die down.

I shook my head, dispelling the lure of the scent.

After the disappointment wore off, I began to feel proud of myself. That was the hardest temptation I had ever faced, and I was able to resist.

I walked into the city—something the woman had said bothered me. There were a few people on the street, and I kept my distance.

I walked at a slow pace, looking in all the windows of the buildings. I didn't really know what I was looking for, but then I found it.

On the bottom floor of one building was a large window. In the window, clothes were displayed. I smiled to myself, and found the door.

I pulled open the door, hearing a loud crack and then the sound of small, hard objects hitting the floor.

I stepped inside the dark room, looking around. Although it was dark, I was able to see every detail with perfect clarity.

There was a low counter at the back of the room and shelves with cloth and boxes behind it. There were a few low tables around the room in front of the counter with clothes on them.

I went over to a table on my left, and picked up a purple dress. The cloth was thin and soft. I wasn't sure how to put it on, but after a few tries I managed to figure out what went in where.

When I did get it on, the dress didn't fit right. I realized I probably should have taken off the smock I was wearing.

After I had removed everything and replaced the dress, I looked down at it fondly. It was light purple, almost translucent, but there was an under-dress underneath that made the color solid. The outside dress's neckline was low and "v" shaped, but the under dress had a straight neckline a few inches higher.

There was a belt-like material low on the hips, and the top of the dress hung slightly over it. The skirt was made up of different pieces of the cloth in triangle-like shapes and hung to just below my knees. The pieces of cloth flew when I moved.

I looked around and noticed a long mirror next to the counter. I went over to it, and gasped when I saw my reflection.

I placed my hands on either side of the mirror and leaned in until my nose and forehead were leaning on the glass. I stared, amazed, at my eyes.

I remembered perfectly what I had seen in the reflection in the water back at the lake. My eyes had been red. I could see it in my minds eye now.

But the mirror here showed my eyes as dark gold. Like the people from my first vision.

I pulled out my memory of the vision I had of me and the man. I hadn't been looking before, but now I looked at our eyes.

His were dark red, like they were in all the visions of him wandering. Mine were gold.

I leaned back, taking in my whole reflection, and smiled.

I was getting close.

Excitement rose inside me. I didn't realize it before, but I must have started to give up hope. It was rekindled now, though.

I smiled wider and went back to the table with the clothes. I happily inspected dresses and piled them on top of each other on my arm.

I had most of the stock in my arms when something occurred to me: I had no way of bringing all of these clothes with me through the wilderness. Actually, the dress I had on would easily be destroyed by too much wear.

I placed all the clothes on a table, and sifted through them until I found a simpler dress.

The sleeves were small; they came to just below my shoulders. The torso was long, and the skirt flared out at my hips. The skirt was much longer than the purple dress and reached my ankles. The dress was cream-colored with light brown plaid patterns all over.

I glanced around the room one last time and noticed some hats in the corner. A hat wouldn't be inconvenient. I went over and chose one the same color as the brown on the dress, put it on, and looked in the mirror one last time.

I took a last look around the room, and walked back out to the city.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

_I took one last look around the room, and walked back out to the city.  
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I never returned to that city, but whenever I passed near a town I would exchange my current outfit for a new one. The style was different each time. The shoulders became stiffer, the sleeves longer. At first the dress skirts became longer and more triangle-shaped, and then they separated from the top all together.

Separate was more fun, though; there were so many more options to choose from.

But when I wasn't getting clothes, I wandered.

Forests thinned into vast farmland with little to no trees at all. I needed to be more careful here; there was no protection from the sun or the few people.

At one point I was walking a little ways away from a farm where a person was struggling to bring a pail out of a wooden building. The sun was shining bright, and it felt good on my glittering skin. But I noticed that the person's skin did not sparkle like mine. I slowed my run to a walk to get a better look. The person noticed me then, and I could see their eyes widen. They dropped the pail and white liquid flowed out. They started to shout, and then ran into another building.

I knew that was not good, so I continued running, and the farm quickly disappeared from view.

There was plenty of food on the farms, when the people were not around—cows, sheep, horses. They weren't particularly interesting, but at least they weren't deer.

I made it to mountains, where humans were scarce and animals were better. There were big cats and bears here who roared and swiped at me when I came close. It was a useless attempt, but it made it more fun. Well, it was fun until they ripped my clothing, and there weren't any stores in the mountains to replace anything.

After the mountains came rocky desert. There were more cats here, but there were also small, scaly creatures that I didn't bother with.

All the while I followed the man in my visions. I followed where he was, or where he was going to be.

I don't know how long I wandered; the days and nights blended together into one long journey. I could easily look back at all the days I had traveled with my photographic memory, but I decided not to. Time was not an issue, so there was no point in dwelling on it.

Soon my visions came more frequently, without me calling on them. I was back to forests, and they were becoming more and more familiar.

Soon I saw with my eyes what I saw in my head. My vision showed me the man running in the same patch of forest as I was, so I followed him. Twin flashes of green and brown flew by, and twin patches of light ahead brightened with each step.

I sped up, running as fast as I could, and burst through the confines of trees and shrubs into the clearing.

I looked around myself, amazed. It was the exact clearing as the one from my vision so long ago.

I smiled in relief. I was finally here. And soon the man would be here too.

I sank down onto my knees in the middle of the clearing, my skin catching bits of light here and there and sending off glittering rainbows.

I lay back, enjoying the feel of the sun on my skin, and closed my eyes.

I was about to check up on the man again when I remembered the family. The big, golden-eyed family that the man and I would be a part of some day. I hadn't thought of them since I left my little lake. So I searched for them.

I saw the blond, experienced-looking man. He was wearing all white and his eyes were darker than in my first vision. He was looking down at a person sleeping in a white cot. His expression seemed satisfied. I wondered why. This person was not one of the family, and had unremarkable features. In fact, the person had dirty looking pieces of cloth wrapped around her head and arm and her skin was an unhealthy mix of green and white.

A snapping sound came from the forest ahead of me. I opened my eyes, disoriented. I quickly stood up, remembering where I was. I looked in the direction of the noise, and waited for whatever was coming.

The vision of the man and me in the clearing quickly flashed before me. Excitement coursed through my body. It was him. I had finally found him, he was only a few steps away….

But what if it wasn't him? Doubt quickly replaced my excitement, followed by despair. What if nothing I had seen will ever come true? There really was no proof that anything I had seen would happen.

But then I began to hear faint, quick footsteps coming closer, and I stopped thinking.

The leaves at the edge of the clearing shook, and he stepped out.

My visions had not done this man justice. He was more glorious than the first time I had "seen" him. He was the most beautiful thing in the world.

He froze when he saw me, his red eyes wide. I thought I could read a few of the emotions in his eyes; confusion, amazement.

A myriad of emotions flooded through me, too. Excitement, relief, utter joy. And some things I couldn't name.

He took a staggered step forward.

We looked at each other for a few short moments, until he finally asked, "who are you?"

That caught me off guard. The entire time I had been searching for him, wondering who he was, but never giving a second thought to who I was. Such a simple question, and I couldn't answer.

But then I remembered the white band that I still wore. I had wondered what an 'Alice' was, but hadn't thought about it enough to figure it out. I glanced down at the band on my wrist. It seemed obvious now.

"Alice," I said, looking back at him. That was another thing that surprised me. I had never spoken before, never heard my voice, and it rang through the clearing with perfect clarity. It was also very high in comparison to the man's.

"Alice," he repeated to himself. He seemed to notice something and his eyebrows scrunched in confusion, but then he cleared his face and straightened up.

"My name is Jasper," he finally said.

I smiled. "Jasper," I repeated. It was a lovely name. "Jasper, I have been looking for you for so long." When I said that, his expression grew slightly shocked, almost confused, and then thoughtful.

"I think," he started. "I think I have been looking for you, too." He sounded amazed, almost as if he couldn't really believe it.

Something bubbled up in me, a feeling I couldn't name, but it was not unpleasant.

I knew Jasper had been searching for something, I had known that since my first vision of him, but I never thought it could be me.

My smile grew.

We stood across from each other in silence, neither of us knowing quite what to say, for a short moment.

"I'm sorry, but may I ask…" he started.

"Yes?"

"How are your eyes that color?"

"Oh," I said softly, taken aback. I wasn't really sure why. I remembered each time I had looked in the mirrors in all the stores I had been to. My eyes never reverted to the original crimson, but they were never the exact same color, either. They were always some sort of gold, but sometimes they would be darker, almost black, while other times they would be closer to butterscotch.

I hadn't quite figured out why, or why his were deep red instead of gold. But I knew they would someday be gold, when we found the others from my visions.

"I'm not sure," I finally said. "Why are yours red?" Maybe he could help come up with the answer.

He looked at me as if I should know the answer. "Because I am a vampire," he said.

I needed to think about that for a bit. Is that what he was? I couldn't remember anything having to do with that word—if I had heard it somewhere else, it would have carried no meaning. Was I a vampire? Did eye color say what someone was, meaning I wasn't a vampire, or was it something else?

He must have seen the confusion in my eyes because he asked, "you do know what a vampire is, right?"

I slowly shook my head.

"Where did you come from?" he asked, squinting at me in wonder.

I shook my head again. "I don't know. I woke up in a forest near a lake a long time ago."

"Was there no one there with you?"

"No," I shook my head. "Should there have been?"

He simply looked at me, thinking.

"Do you…" he paused. "Remember your human life? At all?"

"Human life?" I asked.

"Before you woke up in the forest," he clarified.

I tried thinking back to anything before I opened my eyes, before I felt the flame at the back of my throat for the first time…. But all I could remember was the unsettlement I had felt.

I shook my head, anxiety rising inside me.

"It's okay," he said in a soothing tone, and I suddenly felt soothed.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he said, stepping closer.

He was much taller than me, and I had to look up to meet his gaze.

"But how did you know how to do everything?" He asked in wonder.

My brow furrowed in confusion. Jasper looked me over.

"What to do with bodies, how to fit in with humans?" he clarified.

I shook my head, thinking. "I think I just figured it out. But I did have help," I said, remembering my vision of the blond man talking to the woman with caramel-colored hair about the choice. And then I remembered what he had said.

_"It is a choice we are all free to make, or decline," he started. His voice faded in and out as he continued, "I have made the choice not to live off of humans…"_

"Oh!" I shouted. I thought I had it figured out. "Do you hunt humans?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, unsure of my little outburst.

"That's why!" I said, excited now. Jasper seemed to catch on to my enthusiasm.

"That is why my eyes are red, yes…" he seemed to realize something. "You don't, do you?" he asked, catching on.

"No," I said. "I hunt animals."

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_**A/N**: I am so sorry this took so long to post….My sister's bunny bit through my laptop's charger so after 2 ½ hours I couldn't use it anymore. Then it took around two weeks for me to actually go to Best Buy and get them to order a new cord which then took another week or so to be delivered. And then I had to write the chapter. Well, I hope the wait was worth it. Thank you again for reading!_

_P.S. Constructive criticism is very welcome._


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

"_No," I said. "I hunt animals."  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

"Animals?" Jasper said in utter disbelief. I nodded, and he sat down, seeming to think about it for a moment.

"It doesn't sound very fun," he finally said.

"It depends on the animal," I said as I joined him on the ground. "Deer can get very tiring, but bears can be fun. They try to fight back."

Jasper looked at me skeptically. "And animals…" he seemed to be looking for the right word. "Appeal to you?"

"By appeal, do you mean the burning sensation when you catch their scent and the overwhelming urge to attack?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Then no," I said, and Jasper's expression grew more confused. "There is almost no appeal."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Because…" I started. I wasn't sure where to begin, so I started with my first vision of the family.

"One of my first memories is a vision I had of—"

"A vision?" he interrupted, bewildered. I was surprised; I had assumed that everyone had visions, and had never given much thought to it. Apparently, given by the look on Jasper's face, that was not the case.

"We're not supposed to have visions?" I asked, almost anxious now.

"No, no, it's not that," he said, catching my anxiety. "Some of us," he continued, "have certain…powers, certain gifts, aside from the usual."

"Do you have a gift?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, but did not elaborate.

"What is it?" I asked.

Jasper simply looked at me, gazing into my eyes, and I felt a warmth spread through me. I started to smile. Everything in the world was perfect, everything would turn out perfect. I was euphoric, and to my surprise, I started to giggle—something I had never done before—and that made me smile more.

The sides of Jaspers mouth twitched up into a small smile, and the euphoria I felt dissolved a little.

"Oh, wow," I breathed. Jasper nodded.

"I can feel and manipulate the emotions of people around me. But you said you 'saw' a family," he said, getting back to my story.

"Yes," I said. "It was a family of seven people, all with the same golden eyes, and you and I were a part of it," I continued, smiling.

Jasper's face grew wary. I nodded, and continued.

I told him about the two men in the forest, how close I had come, but how the vision of the family without the two of us had stopped me. I told him about the vision about the blond man talking about choice, and how I made the choice to be with them someday.

Jasper didn't say anything when I finished, so I decided to continue my story. He listened intently, his expression changing quickly from amazement when I told him about my vision of us meeting here to alarm when I told him about the woman in the city.

"She was probably drunk," he said after the shock subsided.

"Drunk?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered. "There is a drink that humans consume and it addles their brains. I did my fair share of drinking as a human…" he said, lost in a memory. "And that was probably why she wasn't afraid," he said as he came back to the present.

"Afraid?" I asked.

"Humans have a natural instinct to stay away from us. It's completely useless when needed, though." He must have seen my look of strong curiosity (or felt it), because he said "but I'll teach you about vampires after you finish your story."

So I told him about my detour to the store and my wandering, following him. Jasper laughed slightly when I told him about the human at the farm.

I finished, and Jasper was staring at me, again, in wonder.

"You did all of that to find me?"

I nodded. "There was something about you…" I started, and then realized something. "How long have you been searching?" I asked.

Jasper sighed. "A very long time." He looked at me for a long moment, and began his tale.

"I was born in Texas in 1843." He seemed to watch my face for any reaction, but the place and date meant next to nothing to me. Jasper noticed. "That was a hundred and five years ago," he said softly.

"Oh," I replied. I was able to understand that that was a long time.

"When the war broke out in 1861," he continued, "I signed up as a Confederate soldier. The Confederacy was in the South, and since that was where I was from, I signed up," he explained.

"I rose in the ranks to become a Major, though I never left Texas. Even as a human I was able to influence people fairly well, and that helped me become a Major. And then I met Maria," he said, and I wasn't sure if the tone in his voice was admiring or loathing.

"She was the one who changed me," he continued. I already had tons of questions, but I held my tongue—I wanted to hear the rest of his story.

"After the few days of agony were over—"

"Agony?" I exclaimed.

Jasper looked at me peculiarly. "You don't even remember any pain?" he asked. I shook my head.

He sighed. "You're lucky," he said. "It was the most painful thing I have ever felt—it was like I was on fire, my insides were burning, and it wouldn't stop…" he trailed off, remembering. I felt bad for making him remember, making him relive the experience, so I said "but it did stop," in a hopeful tone.

"Yes, it did. And then Maria and her coven, her family, showed me everything; how to hunt, how to carefully dispose of any evidence. When we found out about my little talent, they helped me to learn how to control it and use it to my advantage. That talent, however, was not always a good thing.

"You see, I can feel the emotions of the humans as well as vampires; the amazement and curiosity they feel when we first approach, and then the fear—the utter terror when they realize what's happening…" his voice shook slightly and he looked down. I could only guess at the memories he was now watching—and feeling.

I was flooded with a myriad of barely recognizable emotions. There was a mix of remorse and sorrow for his pain, but other, unrecognizable sensations.

Instinctively, unthinkingly, I reached out and grabbed his hand with my own. His eyes met mine then, and there was a flow of confusion, wonder, and something else behind the red color in them.

We held each other's gazes, unblinkingly, intensely, our eyes boring into all the crevasses of our being. Shocks flowed through me, filled the air surrounding us, causing a pleasant burning sensation to send small shivers through me.

So many different emotions were battling for dominance in my mind. It was almost overwhelming. I recognized a few, though: joy, fear, confusion, excitement.

But one, the feeling that seemed to be winning the battle, eluded me.

The world continued around us, but none of it mattered. Jasper was here, and I was here, and we were in our own, timeless world.

The light around us dimmed as we continued to gaze unrelentingly at each other.

And suddenly a word flitted through my mind. It was such a beautiful word, and it filled me with such a beautiful feeling.

_Love_.  
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A/N**: This one's not as long as the others, but I hope it's good…. It's getting kinda fluffy, though, so be warned (assuming you didn't manage to realize that from the "gazing into our souls" scene…). They've got at least a year of fluff before the Cullens. Maybe a little less. But who doesn't like fluff?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

_The light around us dimmed as we continued to gaze unrelentingly at each other. _

_And suddenly a word flitted through my mind. It was such a beautiful word, and it filled me with such a beautiful feeling._

_Love._

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Jasper and I stayed as we were for a while. The light went and came again before anything happened, but I was perfectly content to stay where we were.

And then a beautiful scent made its way over to us, immediately breaking our reverie.

Jasper's eyes turned flat black at the redolence, and I'm sure mine weren't much lighter.

And then my ears caught up with my nose and I heard the loud, clunky footsteps of two humans. I also heard their talking, but didn't focus on what they were saying. Jasper sprang to his feet, ripping his hand from mine, and stood alert in the middle of the clearing.

"No, Jasper," I started to say as I tried to stand, but a vision hit me. It was very clear, and it was in motion. A man and a woman stepped out of the forest, and Jasper jumped on the man. Before either human had time to react, there was a gash in the man's throat and Jasper was drinking the red blood pulsing from it. And then I jumped on to the woman, and did the same to her.

_No, no, no, this is not supposed to happen, no, no,_ is the only thing I can think.

And then three more visions flash quickly before me: the family, once again with out us; Jasper, red-eyed and alone; and me, red- and wild-eyed and alone.

Something inside me had pieced together when I finally met Jasper, and now it threatened to be ripped apart again.

"Jasper, no!" I finally yelled after the visions faded.

I could hear the humans, and they were getting close.

Jasper stood in the middle of the clearing, his muscles tense and his dark eyes beyond reason.

I felt fear for the first time.

Seeing his eyes like that almost made me give up hope.

But I snapped out of it.

I ran to Jasper, stood on my toes, and placed my small hands on either side of his face. I pulled his him down so that his eyes were on mine—if not seeing them.

"Jasper," I said, pleading. "You don't have to do this." The humans were getting closer. I could hear the woman's nasally voice ask "Why don't we rest a while? It's awful hot out," and the man reply "Don't worry, dear, we're almost there. Then we can eat the wonderful lunch you prepared."

I looked anxiously towards their advancing voices.

"Jasper," I said, more rushed now. "Jasper, you don't want to do this. You can come with me. We'll run, just turn around and run, like I did—remember that?"

I saw a little reason return to his eyes, but Jasper's jaw was clenched tight.

"Come on; let's go find you a nice bear." I tried to smile.

Jasper didn't do anything for a long moment, and I could see conflict raging in his eyes. I tried to be patient, but the humans were getting closer—thirty seconds away, at most. I grew panicked, and I was sure he could feel it.

I could hear the humans perfectly, just about to come into the light of our clearing. My visions kept replaying themselves in my head like a pessimistic montage.

"Please," I begged in a strangled whisper.

The humans were less than a moment away, but Jasper quickly grabbed my wrist, turned, and started running.

We were quickly away from the scent, running with colors whizzing by and the wind blowing back our hair.

I was so proud of him. He had made the choice that the blond man from my visions had talked about. And my visions from just moments before had not come true.

Jasper had chosen me.

I felt elated, and he could tell. He moved his hand from my wrist down to my hand and squeezed it slightly, making me smile. I glanced at Jasper, and he was smiling to himself, too.

We eventually stopped at a stream. The light seeping in through the trees had dimmed since we had begun to run, making everything seem warmer and more calm.

"Thank you," Jasper said. His eyes were still dark, but they were warm again.

I smiled. "It was you who did it," I said encouragingly.

"Thanks to you," he said.

Our hands were in each other's in front of us, our fingers laced together. I found myself fidgety with contentment, so I played lightly with our entwined hands. I stepped back, my palms separating from Jasper's, and stepped back, closer than I had been, our hands rising and going in opposite directions so we could see each other's face.

Jasper chuckled at my amusement.

"So," I said after repeating my little game for a while. "Shall we find you a bear?" I released one of his hands and lowered the other one.

Jasper looked around. "And where exactly would one find a bear?"

"Well," I started, looking around as well. "They tend to hunt in streams like this sometimes."

"How ironic," Jasper said.

"Ironic?" I asked.

"It's like the opposite of what was intended—the bear goes to hunt and ends up being hunted."

"Oh." I paused for a second, thinking. "It seems like there's a lot you're going to have to teach me." I hoped it wasn't annoying that I didn't know a lot.

Jasper quickly picked up on that. "I don't mind," he said, and I smiled.

We chose a direction and ran along the stream until I noticed a cave.

"Oh," I said, stopping. "They also lie around in these." I pointed to the cave. We stood quietly, listening, and could hear steady breathing coming from inside.

"It sounds like there's more than one," Jasper said.

"Good." I glanced at Jasper, and he looked doubtful.

"Don't worry," I said with a small smile. "It won't be that bad." I took his hand again, and led him into the cave.

It wasn't very big; Jasper had to bend a little to not bang his head, and the bears were just a few feet in from the opening.

I bent down next to the nearest one and gestured for Jasper to watch. I placed my hands on the bear's side, immediately waking it up. It roared loudly, waking up the others who also began to roar.

My bear tried to move to start to fight me off, but I pushed it down, easily keeping it on the ground. Then I bent my head towards it and sunk my teeth into its shoulder. Thick, almost tasteless blood pulsed into my mouth. The dull fire that had started to burn again in the back of my throat deadened.

The bear stopped roaring.

When I was done, I leaned back and wiped the remaining blood from around my mouth.

I looked a little farther into the cave and saw a bear-corpse and Jasper draining the body of the final bear.

I smiled at the sight, and Jasper's happy, golden-eyed face flashed before my eyes.

_Yay_, I thought. It was the best thing I could think of to describe what I was feeling in just one word.

Jasper finished and looked at me, again catching my mood. He smiled and walked over to me. His eyes were no longer black, but they weren't gold either. They were still red, but a lighter red than the usual burgundy. I thought I could see a slight orange tint to them, too.

Not gold yet, but it was a start.

"What do you think?" I asked as Jasper took my hand again and we started out of the cave.

"Well," he started. "It is filling, and I certainly can't feel the fear." He looked down at me. "Certainly preferable to humans—if not by taste."

"How good do humans taste?" I asked.

"Better than they smell," he said, and looked lost in thought. "So," he said after a while. "What now?"

I smiled. "Now you get to tell me all about vampires."

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_**A/N:** I'm going to try and update at least once a week, but pay close attention to the word "try." I'm so glad that a lot of you seem to like it, and I hope you enjoyed this one too!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

_**A/N: **I don't usually put these at the beginning, but I just thought I'd warn you that this chapter is, for the most part, an informational chapter, and has info. that a lot of you probably know already (about vampires, the civil war, and a little about God)—but Alice doesn't._

**Memories**

_I smiled. "Now you get to tell me all about vampires."_

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"What would you like to know first?"

We were sitting on the edge of the stream, facing each other. It was relaxing, sitting in the shade of the surrounding trees with blotches of sunlight here-and-there and listening to the smooth and steady trickling of the stream.

But the most relaxing of all was being with Jasper. I had never known such peace, and it was invigorating.

"How does a human become a vampire?" I asked.

"Well," Jasper started, and then seemed to think about it before continuing. "You see, there are many things that we obtain as vampires, all for the sole purpose of hunting. Our senses are greatly enhanced—humans can't see in the dark, they can't hear their own heart beats without a special instrument, they can't run nearly as fast as we can, many things like that. They also have blood, and other bodily fluids that are lost in the transformation.

"Have you noticed an extra flow of liquid in your mouth when you smell humans, or when you're very thirsty in general?"

I nodded, clearly remembering it from my first encounter with the scent and the woman in the city. I remembered the tightening of my stomach, the tensing of my muscles, the flow of liquid in my mouth that made the scent so much harder to resist….

"That is what makes humans vampires. It is basically venom, and is the final… assurance that the prey will not escape.

"Once a vampire bites a human, venom enters the blood stream. If the vampire does not, for whatever reason, finish draining the human of their blood, then the venom spreads, changing the human, slowly and painfully, into a vampire."

"It's really painful?" I asked, again not being able to recall any pain.

"Excruciatingly. It's almost like being burned from the inside—like liquid fire flowing through your veins." Jasper looked down, lost in memory. "The entire time you wish for death, until you realize that maybe this is death—your judgment day has arrived, and you failed. God is punishing you with the fires of hell, punishing you for enslaving innocent people and killing more to keep them enslaved…."

Jasper really was lost in thought now, and it made me worried. And what did he mean by "enslaving people?" And I didn't like the sound of God—how could anyone do that to Jasper?

I could feel faint traces of despair creeping inside me, and knew that Jasper was losing control of his power.

"Jasper," I said, and reached over to take his hands in mine. He looked up at me, his red-orange eyes apologetic.

"Sorry," he said.

"Why would God punish you?"

Jasper sighed. "Remember I told you that I was a confederate soldier?"

I nodded.

"Well, the Confederacy was fighting the Union, which was the north, and we were basically fighting to keep our slaves."

I wasn't sure what slaves were, so Jasper clarified in sad tone. "Slaves are people who serve other people for no money. They are forced to do hard labor for much longer than a person should. They were considered property instead of people."

I didn't like the idea of slaves at all, and a small, annoying voice in the back of my mind was telling me that Jasper had fought to keep these people as property.

Jasper picked up on that fear. "I wasn't so much fighting for slavery than for my home. I was born and raised in the deep south and was eager to fight for my home—to be a hero—when the war officially broke out.

"I soon started to doubt my reasons for enlisting, though. I began to really think about what were good reasons to fight and I began to see how horrible it was to enslave another people just because of their skin color.

"But I had my duties as a major, so I had to ignore those thoughts. But then we lost Gettysburg—a horrible battle that killed too many people—and I knew the war was over. And then our camp was attacked, and Maria found me.

"Countless people had said that it was 'God's will' for the negroes to be our slaves, and it took my transformation to make me finally realize how wrong they were."

The anguish in his eyes was clear. I waddled closer to him on my knees so I was slightly taller than him sitting. I brought his head to my chest and he wound his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer.

"You are a good person, Jasper," I tried to reassure him. "No matter what you may have done as a human—no matter what this God's will is—"

Jasper looked up, his face astonished and a little amused. "You don't know what God is," he said, his tone matching his face.

I shook my head. "What is it?"

"Well," he paused. "It's difficult to explain…." He thought for a moment before continuing. "Some people believe that God is a force, an almighty spirit, who created everything. They believe that He has a plan, and everyone must follow that plan."

"So He isn't real?" I was confused about why he said "believe" instead of just saying "there is."

"I don't know." He looked into my eyes. "I certainly used to think He was. As a human, I never thought twice about it. I grew up going to church every Sunday—church is the house of God—" he elucidated, seeing my confused expression. "But now I've sinned so much—my entire existence is a sin—that I'm not sure I want there to be a God."

"What's a sin?" I asked, furrowing my brow in worry.

"A sin is something bad that God does not want. If you sin and don't repent—don't make up for it—you're supposed to go to hell, where you pay for your sins for the rest of eternity. But if you're good, you go to heaven, where you spend all of eternity with God and his angels, essentially doing whatever you please."

Jasper looked at me for a long moment, his gaze becoming intense, almost like it had been in the clearing.

"But I don't need heaven anymore," he said softly.

I looked down into his red-orange eyes, soon to be the gold that I first saw in a vision, and agreed.

But there was something I needed to know.

"When do you go to heaven?" I asked.

"When you die," he answered solemnly.

I had never heard that word before, but I knew what it meant. It was what all of the animals did when I was done with them. It was what those two humans in the clearing and that woman in the city just barely escaped from. But I had never really thought about what it was.

"How do we die?" I asked, emphasizing "we."

"It's hard to do, and it's near impossible for a human to do to us. Although, with all of the new technology they have, it's no longer unachievable.

"The only sure way that we know of is to rip up the vampire and burn what's left."

I winced a little at what he was describing.

"And then they go to heaven or hell?" I asked. Jasper smiled.

"Maybe," he answered.

I sighed, and started to turn myself to settle in his lap. "I'm not very used to maybes," I said.

Jasper chuckled. "You wouldn't be, would you?"

I smiled, and looked up at him.

As our eyes met, I felt a strange urge to do something. It was pure instinctive impulse, but I didn't want to refuse it.

I leaned forward and quickly touched my lips to Jasper's and away. We looked at each other for a short moment, and then Jasper leaned down and pressed his lips gently to mine.

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_**A/N**: Fluffy, fluffy. I wasn't planning on this much fluff, but then Jasper got side-tracked and needed comforting… so plan on a little more information being thrown in once and a while._


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

_I leaned forward and quickly touched my lips to Jasper's and away. We looked at each other for a short moment, and then Jasper leaned down and pressed his lips gently to mine._

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After our first what I later learned was a kiss, Jasper and I were even more comfortable with each other than we had been. Our pasts, whatever they were, were officially behind us now, and we were perfectly content to stay where we were: together.

Week by week I watched, euphoric, as Jasper's eyes slowly changed from dark red to gold after each hunt.

I wasn't completely oblivious to the rest of the world, though. A small voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that the journey wasn't over—I had yet to find the family. _I will_, I would tell myself, _I will_, and I pushed it to the back of my mind.

I was going to find them. I had seen it, and that was good enough for me.

"May I have this dance, Miss Alice?"

Jasper was standing over me, one hand behind his back, the other outstretched to me, and a small, amused smile on his face.

Jasper had continued to teach me everything he knew, everything he remembered from being human, and formal dances were one of those things.

I smiled. "You certainly may, Mr. Whitlock," I said as I took his hand, playing along.

He led me by the hand to a small patch of sunlight where our skin sent small rainbows of light on to the ground and nearby rocks and trees.

"I must warn you, sir," I said as Jasper placed my hands in the correct positions. "That I am a horrendous dancer." While Jasper had taught me about dancing, he hadn't taught me how.

"Nonsense," he said with a small smile as he placed a hand on my waist. "All you have to do is move your feet with mine."

I quickly looked down at our feet and heard Jasper chuckle.

"Ready?" he asked. I nodded, watching his feet.

He moved one foot towards me, so I moved mine back. He moved his foot forward and to the side, and I moved mine back and to the side.

It was actually fairly easy to dance. I could tell where Jasper was going to move right as he started, and all I had to do was follow. After a while I began to notice the steps repeating, so I looked up at Jasper, remembering perfectly well where to place which foot and when.

"Now what's this I hear about horrendous dancing?" Jasper asked as he spun me. I chuckled as my skirt fluttered around me. I came back around and placed my free hand back on Jasper's shoulder.

I suddenly remembered something he had initially told me about the few dances he had attended as a human. "Why did you say you didn't like dances? You seem to be having fun now," I asked.

Jasper smiled. "It depends on who you're with."

Before I had time to comment on that, Jasper spun me one last time and ended the dance.

"Now," he said. "I bow," he placed one arm across his stomach and bowed, "and you curtsy."

"Is that a fancy word for 'bow'?"

"Well, I suppose it's like a ladies' version of bowing, but a little different."

I cocked my head to one side. "Why can't I just bow?"

"Well, I suppose it's to make the lady look more delicate than the man."

I scrunched my eyebrows in slight disbelief. "People like that?"

"Some people do."

"I see." I looked straight at Jasper and tried to keep my face merely curious. "And how does one curtsy?"

The edges of Jasper's mouth twitched in a slight smile and his eyes were apprehensively amused. "Well," he started. "You cross one foot in front of the other and bend your knees while holding out your skirt."

I cocked my head in mock confusion. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand."

I tried to keep my amusement at bay since I knew fully well that Jasper would feel it and know what I was trying to do.

"You don't?"

"I don't think so…is it like this?" I crossed one leg over the other so that it was hard to bend my knees and bunched up my skirt in my hands, holding it out.

"Not quite," he said, still smiling. I straightened up.

"Can you show me?" I asked innocently. I knew he could tell what I was doing, but I wanted to finish it.

Jasper's smile grew and he locked his eyes with mine. His face was somewhat incredulous, but his eyes were amused.

"It's like this." I had to bite my lip in attempt not to laugh as Jasper demonstrated how to curtsy.

"Ah, I see now." It was very hard not to laugh, and I could tell that Jasper was waiting for me to start. I curtsied back and said "thank you, Miss Whitlock."

I couldn't help it anymore—I burst out laughing, and Jasper joined me.

"_Miss_ Whitlock, eh?" he teased as he grabbed me around the waist and swung me around, still laughing.

But my laughter was cut short when my vision went blank and quickly changed to another scene in a different forest. I could see the front of a grand house that had a large, ornate, wooden door and a deep porch with a wooden swing. The family I had seen in so many visions was assembled on the porch, each with an anxious expression. They were all looking apprehensively at the young man with bronze-colored hair who seemed to be concentrating hard on something.

I could vaguely hear Jasper worriedly calling my name, but I couldn't focus on it.

"There're two of them," the bronze-haired boy said. His voice seemed to fade in and out as he spoke, and the movements he and the others made were not very smooth. "I think they know us…at least, they keep referring to the 'golden-eyed family,' and I think it's safe to assume that that is us."

"Do they mean any harm?" the blond man asked.

"No…" the boy trailed off in thought, his brow creasing in confusion. Then he looked up, back at the rest of the family. "They want to join us."

"Alice!"

The vision quickly vanished, and Jasper had his hands on either side of my face and was staring intently, worried, into my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Did you have a vision?" he asked, releasing me.

I nodded.

"It wasn't anything bad, was it?" Jasper's forehead creased in worry.

"No, nothing bad," I started.

Maybe this vision was my subconscious trying to tell me that it was time to start looking for the family; it was time to stop telling myself "I will" and start saying "I am."

I decided to listen to my subconscious.

"Remember the family I told you about? The ones I have visions of a lot?"

"This one was of them?"

I nodded. "But I think they knew we were coming—but we didn't know they knew…" I shook my head, trying to sort out what I had seen in an intelligible way. "They were all gathered in front of their house, and they knew we were coming. They seemed wary of us, but then one of them said that we wanted to join them."

I looked at Jasper quizzically. "But how would he know what we wanted?" I asked.

"He must have some sort of gift," Jasper replied. "But unless he can see the future, I don't know how he would be able to know why we were there. Or why we're going to be there," he corrected himself.

He looked at me for a long moment. "So we're going to look for them?"

I nodded. "I think we should."

I could tell he was reluctant, but I knew it was best. I had seen him perfectly happy—possibly as happy as he had just been—in that first vision.

"I'll still be with you," I assured him as I walked closer and took his hand.

Jasper gave me a small smile and kissed the top of my head. Then he put his arm around my waist and turned to look into the forest.

"Do you have any idea where to look first, then?"

That caught me off guard. I had never seemed to think about how to do anything, so I had no answer. When I had set off to look for Jasper, I'd just followed the river and then wandered.

"I'm not sure," I answered. "I only picked a direction and stuck to it when I was searching for you."

"We could do that," Jasper said, "but there's no guarantee on how long that will take. Then again, if you keep seeing us with them while we're wandering, it's bound to work."

"Oh!" I exclaimed. Jasper had given me an idea. "We can choose a direction, but before we start in that direction, I can see if it will lead us to them—if it's the right way. If not, we'll choose a different direction. We can do that until we find the right way. And I can keep checking to make sure we're on the right track."

Jasper smiled. "Like a compass," he said.

I looked up at him quizzically.

"A compass is something that tells you which way is north, so that you always know where you're going."

"I guess I am like a compass," I said, musing for a second before taking one step forward, toward the forest. I closed my eyes, and tried to see Jasper and me finding the family. I saw the family, but we weren't a part of it. So I turned in a new direction, and tried again.

I continued like that for a few tries, Jasper watching, amused, as I spun around every few seconds.

But finally, I saw it. I saw the same large house and the family was arranged in the same way on their porch, but this time Jasper and I were approaching them.

"This way!" I shouted.

"Really?" Jasper asked, slightly surprised.

"C'mon," I said as I ran back to him, grabbed his hand, and led him into the forest to begin our search for the golden-eyed family.

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_**A/N**: Since I've got a lot of free time on my hands this week, I'm going to try to update more than once this week. And now since I've told you that, I'm really going to have to. The Cullens are coming up, and I've got a fun conversation planned about cars…. Well, I hope you liked this installment—I really did._


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

"_C'mon," I said as I ran back to him, grabbed his hand, and led him into the forest to begin our search for the golden-eyed family._

And so we ran, hand in hand, and every once in a while I would check to make sure we were still on the right track.

There was less forest on this route than when I had first set out to find Jasper.

"Humans cut down the forests," he explained after I asked about it. "They use the wood to build houses and furniture, and they put the houses on the leftover space. Either you set out a while ago, or the demand for housing has increased exponentially."

I remembered the peaceful forest near the lake where I had spent the first part of my existence. I wondered if it was still there, or if humans had cut it down to build more houses. I felt a slight stab of sadness as I imagined it as another town full of humans.

There were many more places with plenty of humans this time, so Jasper and I took extra care to hunt whenever we could. Especially Jasper. He had been very good with animals only, but when we would pass through a town he would become tense and stop breathing. I would squeeze his hand encouragingly and smile up at him and we would continue on our way.

A few times we would go into town to buy new clothes.

"What are you doing?"

It was our first stop at a store, and I had found the outfit I wanted. I was starting to take off my old blouse to put on the new one, when Jasper stopped me.

I looked at him in confusion. "Exchanging my clothes," I answered, still holding on to the hem of my shirt.

Jasper chuckled. "That's fine at night when no one's here," he said quietly. "But surrounded by people as we are now, you need to use money to purchase clothing."

Jasper lowered my shirt, his hand lingering at my hip, and proceeded to tell me about money.

"Do you have money?" I asked when he was done.

"It just so happens that I do," he said as he took our clothes and went over to a woman behind a counter and what Jasper had explained was called a cash register.

The woman was young and pretty, and I saw her eyes rove over Jasper admiringly.

"Hello, sir. How are you this fine day?" she asked with a smug smile.

I felt a flare of resentment as the woman batted her eyelashes in an attempt to be seductive.

"Fine," Jasper answered tersely.

The woman bit part of her full bottom lip and turned to the register.

She had very nice hair. It was blond and arranged in an almost-perfect way on top of her head.

I felt a stab of envy for the first time. My hair would never look like that.

Jasper's arm wound securely around my waist and he pulled me close. The woman's smug expression turned into a pout as she noticed his lack of interest in her. She gave him his change without a word.

As we were leaving, Jasper bent his head to my ear. "There's no competition," he murmured.

"I know," I sighed.

We continued running. Jasper had told me that we could run so fast that the humans couldn't see us, so as long as we kept running we did not need to worry about hiding from the sun around them. We still tried to stay as far away from them as we could because even though they weren't able to see us, we were able to smell them, and the scent was just as alluring as always.

As we ran, I would ask any question that popped into my head, and Jasper would answer them. I asked why we needed to remain inconspicuous around humans, and Jasper told me what he knew about the Italian royalty who had set up the one law of our race, and the punishment that went along with the breaking of it.

There were some questions Jasper couldn't answer, though.

One such question, "What year is it?" led us to stop at a newsstand in the nearest town. Jasper glanced at the front page of one paper and I saw the hope in the vender's eyes that he would buy it.

"Huh," Jasper mused.

"What?" I asked as we started to move on.

"It's 1950 already. The last time I checked a paper, it was 1934."

"Was that when you found me?" I asked, wondering if that was what sixteen years felt like.

"No, it took me a while to find you after that."

I wondered how long it had taken me to find Jasper, but I had no way of knowing.

"Now," Jasper said, stopping in the middle of the street. "Where do we go now?"

I closed my eyes to search for the vision, and immediately found it. I saw a clear image of Jasper and me going up to the family. It was the clearest vision of our meeting I had ever had.

"Right this way," I said, excitement reforming in my mind.

Jasper caught on. "Do you think we're close?"

I nodded. "This vision was very clear, and I can only assume that means that it's going to happen soon."

We continued on, careful to get out of sight of any humans before disappearing into a run.

We ran through the night and into the morning. In the early hours of the day, we entered another forest. Excited anticipation bubbled—I was sure this was the forest the golden-eyed family lived in.

Soon we began to see a light up ahead that signified an open space, and then the top of the grand, wooden house came into view.

"Is that it?" Jasper asked, slowing down.

I nodded as a gleeful smile spread across my face.

And then we stepped through the last of the trees and shrubs and into my vision.

They were all assembled on the porch, their expressions wary, just as I had seen. The blond man seemed to notice something, and his expression showed some pleasant surprise as well as caution.

It was quiet for a moment, satisfaction making me temporarily unable to speak. To me, the journey was over. I had found everything I had wanted to find since my first visions, and I didn't think anything else needed to be done.

"Hello," Jasper said, bowing his head slightly in greeting. "My name is Jasper, and this is Alice. We have been searching for your family for a little while now, and would like to speak with you."

I felt the atmosphere become more relaxed, and knew Jasper was using his gift to appeal to the family. The bronze-haired boy's eyes glanced quickly to my face and back to the blond man. His eyes seemed to hold some surprise, but I couldn't imagine why.

"Hello Jasper, Alice," the blond man returned the greeting. "We are the Cullens. My name is Carlisle, and this is Esme," he pointed to the woman with caramel-colored hair, "Rosalie," the blond girl, "Emmett," the big, curly-haired man, "and Edward," the younger, bronze-haired boy.

"Hello," I finally said. "It's so nice to finally meet you." Everything from my first vision of us together to the visions of us meeting here flashed before my eyes. I noticed Edward raise his eyebrows.

Carlisle glanced at Edward thoughtfully. Edward nodded. Carlisle looked back at us, his face clear of all suspicion. "Why don't you come inside and tell us about yourselves." He motioned for us to join them as they all started to head inside.

The woman named Esme gave us a warm smile. I smiled back, and followed her in with Jasper right behind me.

The front room was paneled in wood and the back wall had a bunch of large windows behind a grand staircase. The staircase led to a landing halfway up the wall which wrapped around the top half of the left side of the room. There were doors and a hallway on the landing, and a large chandelier hung down from the middle of the ceiling.

Jasper and I were led through a doorway on our left and into another large room with a lower ceiling. There was a large, stone fire place, above which hung a large, colorful painting of a sunrise. There were three large sofas with very soft looking cushions organized around a dark coffee table.

"Please, sit down," Carlisle invited, gesturing to the sofas and sitting down on the middle one.

When everyone had settled into a sofa, Carlisle continued. "You say you have been searching for us?"

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_**A/N**: So much for getting this chapter in sooner… Well, we're coming to the end of this story, but don't worry—it won't be too soon._


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Alice and most of her background belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Memories**

_When everyone had settled into a sofa, Carlisle continued. "You say you have been searching for us?"_

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"How did you come to hear of us?" Carlisle asked. He was looking at Jasper, so he was the one who answered.

"Well, that really is Alice's story." He looked at me, and five other pairs of eyes followed.

"It is somewhat of a long story," I warned.

"That's fine," Carlisle soothed.

"Well, to start," I paused, thinking. "I don't remember anything of being human."

"Anything?" Rosalie interrupted, shocked. Her expression was a little pained. "You don't remember anything at all?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

The Cullens all wore expressions of shock, confusion, and interest. "Not even the pain?" Edward asked.

"No," I shook my head, remembering the many times I had tried to remember anything earlier than when I first woke up. "The first thing I can remember is waking up in a forest, alone."

"The person who changed you wasn't there?" Carlisle asked.

I shook my head again. "Actually, the first person I met was Jasper, and that was a while after I first woke up."

No one said anything, so I continued. "After I felt the thirst for the first time, I didn't know what to do, or what it was, so I ran. I ran into a lake, where I had my first vision."

"Vision?" Emmett exclaimed. "As in, of the future?"

I nodded.

"Wow." Their faces were all slightly awed now.

Carlisle recovered first. "What did you see?" he asked.

I pulled out the memory of the vision. "I saw us," I answered. "All of us — sitting in a room similarly laid out to this one, but not the same furniture. We were all happy, listening to a story Emmett was telling." I glanced at Emmett.

"Was it a good story?" Emmett asked.

"We all seemed to be enjoying it."

Emmett grinned and nodded appreciatively.

I continued my story, telling them about how I somehow knew I would one day be a part of their family. I told them about how I learned to feed off of animals because of the vision I had of them hunting, about my first encounter with human blood and the vision I had that stopped me. I then told them of my visions of Jasper, how I longed to be with him and how I knew I needed to help him.

I told them about my journey after I had decided to go search for Jasper and the few human encounters I had. Then I told them about meeting Jasper, and how fulfilling it had been to finally be with him. I talked about the humans who had invaded our spot, and the vision I had of everything gone, nothing the way I had longed for. But then I told them how I managed to change that, and began to teach Jasper about the alternative to human blood.

And then I told them of the vision I had of our first encounter, and how that prompted me to set out to search for them.

"And now we're here," I finished.

A short, thoughtful silence followed, and Emmett was the one to break it. "After all that trouble, we'd better let you stay," he joked.

"What Emmett means," Esme started, throwing a stern look at Emmett before turning back to us. "Is welcome to the family." She gave us a warm smile and stood up to come over to Jasper and me and hug us both in turn.

"Thank you," I said sincerely with a wide smile.

"You are very welcome," she said, and retook her seat next to Carlisle with a very satisfied smile on her face.

"There is something you should know first," Carlisle said, looking meaningfully at Edward.

Edward nodded and looked up at us. "I can read minds."

Read minds? As in, hear what I'm thinking right now?

Edward nodded.

Jasper and I were silent for a long moment, processing that. And then I realized that Edward could hear our processing.

"I can," he answered my unspoken question again. "I can also see what you see in your head." My mind went immediately to my visions. "I believe I can see those, too," he answered. His eyes flickered over to Jasper, who began to speak.

"I also have a sort of gift, though not nearly as impressive as Edward's or Alice's."

They waited, intrigued.

"I can feel and manipulate the emotions of people around me."

Emmett's eyebrows rose and there was another thoughtful silence as they took it all in.

"So you can feel what I'm feeling now?" Emmett asked.

"Yes." Jasper's brow furrowed in slight confusion. "You're feeling envious of something. But I can't tell you why."

"Emmett," Edward said incredulously.

"What, I'm not allowed to feel envious?" he replied in mock outrage.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Not about that."

"Would anyone care to explain to the rest of us?" Rosalie asked, slightly peeved.

"Emmett's jealous of us having special talents," Edward explained. And then he groaned. "Emmett!" He dropped his head in his arms.

Emmett chuckled. "I'm not that jealous," he replied, wiggling his eyebrows.

I had no idea what was going on, but the look on Edward's face made me not want to know.

I glanced at Jasper and saw amusement in his eyes. Maybe I would ask him about it later.

"Alright, that's enough," Esme said in a stern voice. "What must they think of us now?"

"It's just a bit of fun," Emmett replied, grinning. It seemed like there would be a lot of fun with Emmett around.

"Well, why don't you have fun showing Alice and Jasper around the house?" Carlisle asked. "I need to get to work."

"Where do you work?" Jasper asked.

"Down at the local hospital," Carlisle replied.

"The hospital?" Jasper asked, bewildered. "How do you manage that?"

I hadn't had an initial reaction to where Carlisle said he worked, but then I remembered what a hospital was. It was where sick humans went to heal, and there was often times a lot of blood; open and even more potent than usual.

Carlisle gave us a small smile. "Centuries of practice," he answered, then paused a second before continuing. "If I had never practiced, none of us would be here right now."

Jasper's eyes went wide. "You changed everyone?"

Carlisle nodded and gave us a small smile. "But that is also," he glanced at me, "somewhat of a long story." He stood up. "But I would be more than glad to tell it when I get home, unless someone else would like to," he looked around at the others.

No one said anything, and Edward shrugged. "Whatever you choose," Carlisle continued, "I will be home in a few hours. Jasper, Alice," he stopped in front of us. "It was so nice to meet you, and welcome." He smiled and extended his hand for us to shake in turn, and we voiced our thanks avidly.

Carlisle left the room, and I wondered if I would ever have the restraint necessary to change someone like he did, or even to help a bleeding human like he does every day.

But I stopped thinking about it, and Jasper and I were welcomed entirely into the Cullen family, where we spent over fifty years happily together with each other and without much change.

Until that day, fifty-five years later, in that dreary little town in Washington.

But you know that story already.

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_**A/N**: And it's over. Thank you to everyone who stuck with me this far, and gave such encouraging reviews. You have my awed gratitude. _


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